Panera Warmth = Panera Hugs
This is the equation I learned today at Panera's Planet Bread, the biggest corporate handjob I've ever been a part of. For three hours, I sat in an unheated room and listened to twentysomething middle management-types talk about how and why Panera bread is the greatest thing since... ummm... ever. I'm actually surprised they didn't make a sliced bread joke. They hit all the other bad puns: "More dough helps us go!" "Breaducation," "Knead to Know," etc.
Now, I suppose you all have a few questions: What is Panera Warmth? What are Panera Hugs? Well, Panera Warmth can be approximated through the addition of two other, equally inexplicable terms:
PW = Concept Essence + Cultural Values
Both Concept Essence and Cultural Values (CE and CV, respectively), are divided into four talking points, which are further subdivided into key ideas. Some highlights:
Cultural Values
Rule #1 [conspicuously listed as the second rule down, after No Jerks]
-We [the Panera Associates] form a connection through our authenticity and service [italics theirs].
Profit Provides Possibilies
-Profit sustains the growth of our concept and our people. [Yes, citizens, Panera is one of those noble charities for whom money is only a means, not an end]
Concept Essence
->We are a guide to discovering the warmth and energy of a lifestyle enhanced by bread. [After reading this bullet point, one of our facilitators, who couldn't find a way to uselessly elaborate on such an already useless point (his forte), simply said, "Um, yeah, I think that speaks for itself," and moved on].
We watched a timelapse of a Panera Location called A Day in the Life of a Bread Store. The soundtrack was replete with open piano chords and cello swells. The narration read thus:
This store... is alive...
...It lives [redundant?]...
...It breathes...
...It... ...Feels...
...
...It never closes...
...It only gets ready for the next day...
...When the cycle starts anew...
Beautiful. What an animal. Not much else to report, here. The Xmas spirit is really starting to flow in the FC. I bought my mom a cutting/serving board. Right up her alley. God knows what anyone else is getting. I think I'll get my brother a kick in the pants. Kid's a goddamn sack 'o potatoes. I can still beat him in Halo, thought.
Anyway, Christmas has gotten me listening to a lot of choral music, which I used to listen to/sing a lot more often than I have since I started college (i.e. never). Following that line of thought, this song is without a doubt one of my favorite Christmas songs, as well as one of my favorite songs period, sung by one of the best choirs around.
Robert Shaw Festival & Chamber Singers - O Magnum Mysterium
It's this kind of stuff that I can see myself listening to long after I quit illegally downloading every flavor of the year. Sorry, Sunset Rubdown. Immortality eludes you.
that was my favorite post ever.
ReplyDelete(i'm way up there right now)
Your a fool. I have worked for the company for 5 years. You can either buy into the culture and fit in or be the odd man out like yourself. You are either too young or uneducated in the way small town bakeries took it on the chin when Wonder Bread arrived (full of preservatives and other words you cannot pronounce). The bread is real, the people are real, the concept is real.
DeleteMaybe you should also read up on their stores that are charitable? Every store donates left over bread to homeless shelters and food banks.
Panera may start out a little 'odd' or 'corny' at first, but if you open your eyes to what it truly is, you will be surprised.
choral music? DORK.
ReplyDeleteway up where?
ReplyDeleteI LOVE BREAD
ReplyDeleteI think that you are a jerk who doesn't care about Panera at all. You are one of those people who are just there for the money, and I think that you should leave, because your store would be better off without you. Panera is what it is because of the dedicated people who continue to work there and are happy with the work that they do.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT! GREAT COMMENT!!!
DeleteI work at a Panera and I laughed uncontrollably for 10 mins; Im not even kidding. Time not wasted. You forgot about "Everyday Oasis" being limited and only applicable to customers. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! This is great. I was a little weirded out by the Planet Bread experience too (ie, the ceremonial breaking of bread and concept essence chanting xD) but once I worked there for a while, I realized there's a little truth to their puffery. The Panera I work at has dozens of regulars-- all of them really attached to their routines and... if the employees there realized it (or cared), quite open to getting to know each of us. One regular made me his honorary grand-daughter. Another bought me a "dancing hat" to encourage me to get back to swing dancing, and another always comes up with a joke to make me laugh. So while Planet Bread's terminology and idealism is extremely hard to swallow (and totally hilarious in some ways), Panera employees would do well to pay more attention to their customers. It's what makes my Panera the best in my area.
ReplyDeleteGoogle "breaking bread" - have you ever had a family meal where bread was absent? Hmm, not there is a thought. Did you know the scoring marks on top of bread release gas AND in early days where used to mark which bread belong to each individual family in a town?
DeleteYou should find another job if this is what you think. I worked for Burger King for almost 2 years. Its nice to work for a company who actually cares about what they do.
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My Panera family is awesome! The GM refers to herself as mother bread... a bit far fetched for me. Minus some disturbed customers who like to beat it in the cafe or smear poop on the bathroom wall and the money is sad if you're not a shift or a caterer or a manager... but the Panera warmth is there. The values and the essences are what makes the company and the worker. "Take another little slice of my heart now, baby..."
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