Believe me when I say I'm sorry

So a few nights ago, I was hanging around the Reub after closing, and these two shady characters sidled up and asked if I could spare a cigarette or two. "Sure," I said--I was in a good mood, and I've been watching my intake, anyway. So these guys and I smoked and talkd for a while, and ended up hitting it off.

"What're you guys up to now?" I asked.
They exchanged glances, and then looked back at me.
"What're you up to?" one asked in an obviously portentous voice.
"I dunno, what're yooooou up to?" I was pretty drunk, and I suppose this kind of joke might've made you guys laugh a little, but my new friends seemed a little thrown, especially since I couldn't stop laughing at myself.

After a long pause, we all regained our composure. One of the guys--I think he had a goatee--pulled a small phial out of his coat pocket.
"Ever heard of adrenochrome?" he asked?
"Of course," I replied, as if I wasn't lying.
"You want some?"

I've already mentioned that I was pretty drunk. Long story short, I invited the guys back to my place, dropped some adrenochrome into some Wild Turkey, and threw it back. BAD IDEA.

The next thing I knew, it was 3:30 this afternoon and I was shirtless on the living room floor. I still can't remember a thing, but apparently some crazy shit went down, because the house is a shadow of its former self. I'm showing this to you bros assuming you're going to see it soon anyway; there's no way I can mop this up by Sunday:






I guess I've learned my lesson the hard way. I am NEVER doing drugs EVER AGAIN. I promise, you guys, everything will be back the way it was as soon as possible.

For now, maybe this'll cheer you up:I don't know who took this picture, but they took it with my cellphone and then sent it to my T-Mobile photo album. I had no idea it existed until today (I used the same system to take the above photos). How often do I make this face?

C'ville in the news

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/03/28/interstate.shootings.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

I went to high school with this dude. That track team that they say he was on? Yeah. I was on that team.

It's country out here, I'm tellin' ya.

Xoxoxo

house liveblog

This is the first ever house liveblog.

6:19 PM: Tom just put his shirt back on. Thank god. That was getting distracting and I've got a liveblog to do.

6:20 PM: The song just changed. It was Dr. Dog. Now it's some whiny lady who I've never heard before.

6:22 PM: Tom informs me the band is called "The Do." It's actually pronounced "The Doo," which I find pretentious.

6:22 PM: Tom has been clipping his nails and, sure enough, there is a disgusting heap of nail clippings all over his crotch. Narsty.

6:25 PM: I'm sitting on the floral couch in the living room. Jose De La Torre has slept on this same couch for the past 3 days. I barf a little.

6:27 PM: Tom informs me the band is also French, which excuses the pretentious name, I think.

6:29 PM: I check my e-mail and get something from Chelsea Clinton (I subsribe to the Hillary Clinton listserv for kicks.) This is what she tells me-

Dear James, When I heard that Elton John was throwing a concert in New York for my mom's campaign, I knew it was going to be a night I didn't want to miss. Want to join me there?

I think it's a little scandalous that she would ask me out like that. I forward it to many prominent bloggers.

6:31 PM: Tom informs me that he wants to go to the liquor store and asks if I want to come. I'd like to get pretty soused tonight, so I end a historic liveblog to get some pbr.

JPoole: The Mystery Deepens

Colin: JPoole has been removed from YouPorn. And if you google "jpoole youporn" it shows it was once on the site but is now an invalid link. Shit's nuts. Bros: this will all make sense soon enough.

VA

I've been in Halifax, VA for a couple days now.

Yesterday, my cousins and I went for a NASCAR race, which I enjoyed unironically.

Things to sincerely like about NASCAR races:
1. VRRRRRRRRROOM!
2. People-watching. There's a lot of weird looking people lurking around the stands. People with oddly placed facial hair. People who are obese in weird places.
3. Watching a car pass another car. To do this, you have to get part of your car next to the car in front of you when you're going around the curve. On the straightaway, you then put the pedal to the medal and pass the guy. Both of these things- the positioning to get next to the car, and the burst of speed after- are riveting.
4.Beer. You can bring as much beer as you want.
5. The smell. It's a mix of farts, burning rubber, body odor and fumes.
6. Crashes. When there is a dramatic crash, the entire crowd stands up, points, and says something like "Ooooooh shit!" Drivers don't get hurt because they're so well-protected within the cars. But the smoke and loud noise are exciting.

In my time here, I've also shot a gun, picked a tick from my thigh and drove a pick-up truck.

All y'all are a bunch of fuckin' pussies.